Comments on: what’s in a name? http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/that-which-we-call-a-rose/ figuring it all out... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:45:48 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=MU By: avery http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/that-which-we-call-a-rose/#comment-123 avery Wed, 14 May 2008 04:27:23 +0000 http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/?p=77#comment-123 Hey, I have a Nate, too! So glad to have just found your blog. I (non-bio) go by Baba, and my partner is Mamma. We played around with names the first few months, feeling what was right for us, and the Baba stuck. It's a little bittersweet, though--I definitely feel a twinge of wishing I was "Mama" to Nate. (Mamma is the Norwegian; same pronunciation.) One surprise consequence of this name is that now when Nate yells out "Baba!" on the playground, other parents and kids look at me like "What? Who are you?" I'm trying to not notice. Hey, I have a Nate, too! So glad to have just found your blog. I (non-bio) go by Baba, and my partner is Mamma. We played around with names the first few months, feeling what was right for us, and the Baba stuck. It’s a little bittersweet, though–I definitely feel a twinge of wishing I was “Mama” to Nate. (Mamma is the Norwegian; same pronunciation.)

One surprise consequence of this name is that now when Nate yells out “Baba!” on the playground, other parents and kids look at me like “What? Who are you?” I’m trying to not notice.

]]> By: dlvc http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/that-which-we-call-a-rose/#comment-96 dlvc Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:30:18 +0000 http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/?p=77#comment-96 I am Mama and my wife is Ima (hebrew for Mom, we're Jewish). Like MaMaMia, we gave me, as non-bio-mom the more recognizable name, but we also were careful not to either be "Mommy" which we felt more strongly implied "one" (and we had the Ima option). My wife is mostly fine with the less recognizable name, but it is sometimes challenging and we do have to explain it frequently. She has said that it gives her a taste some of the feelings I had of needing to explain and justify my presence as a mother. It is also helpful that many of our friend's kids, even those with straight parents, also have Ima's. We often change the wording of books and stories to include both Mamas and Imas, and our almost two year old seems to understand that "Mommy" can apply to either of us. If, as a non-bio-mom you want to be seen as a mother, it helps to have a corresponding name, whether or not you distinguish between the two of you. The only book I've seen deal with this head-on was "Reinventing the Family" by Laura Benkov, in one of the middle chapters. I am Mama and my wife is Ima (hebrew for Mom, we’re Jewish). Like MaMaMia, we gave me, as non-bio-mom the more recognizable name, but we also were careful not to either be “Mommy” which we felt more strongly implied “one” (and we had the Ima option). My wife is mostly fine with the less recognizable name, but it is sometimes challenging and we do have to explain it frequently. She has said that it gives her a taste some of the feelings I had of needing to explain and justify my presence as a mother. It is also helpful that many of our friend’s kids, even those with straight parents, also have Ima’s. We often change the wording of books and stories to include both Mamas and Imas, and our almost two year old seems to understand that “Mommy” can apply to either of us. If, as a non-bio-mom you want to be seen as a mother, it helps to have a corresponding name, whether or not you distinguish between the two of you. The only book I’ve seen deal with this head-on was “Reinventing the Family” by Laura Benkov, in one of the middle chapters.

]]> By: MaMaMia http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/that-which-we-call-a-rose/#comment-95 MaMaMia Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:33:23 +0000 http://mommytoo.wordpress.com/?p=77#comment-95 I (bio mom) am MaMa, my partner is Mommy. Since for us, I was going to be the bio-mom for all of our kids, we thought calling Peg Mommy would be a good choice. So it wasn't assumed that she was anything else but a mom. We thought about this a lot, and I can understand your desire to let your children make their own decisions, but like you, we felt the need for our kids to distinguish between us. We also considered using a unique label, maybe a translated version, but decided that it would be difficult for our kids to explain/define to other children. Max is now 4 and it seems to be working out well for our family. He is confident an exclaims, Sam has a Mommy and a Daddy, and I have a Mommy and a MaMa! Good luck with your decision. I (bio mom) am MaMa, my partner is Mommy. Since for us, I was going to be the bio-mom for all of our kids, we thought calling Peg Mommy would be a good choice. So it wasn’t assumed that she was anything else but a mom. We thought about this a lot, and I can understand your desire to let your children make their own decisions, but like you, we felt the need for our kids to distinguish between us. We also considered using a unique label, maybe a translated version, but decided that it would be difficult for our kids to explain/define to other children. Max is now 4 and it seems to be working out well for our family. He is confident an exclaims, Sam has a Mommy and a Daddy, and I have a Mommy and a MaMa! Good luck with your decision.

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