I’m a Mommy Too!

nate’s been sleeping 2-3 hours at a stretch, which i have to say impresses me.  he’s been going to sleep in the co-sleeper and once he wakes up, we feed him and he usually stays in the bed with us after that.  there’s also usually at least one time a night when he wakes up not wanting to eat, but not going back to sleep.  then one of us gets up and walks him, or rocks him, whatever.  last night he really wouldn’t settle — so i tried the swing for the first time!  and we were both (all three, actually) so happy.  he watched the lights for a while, then dozed off (so did i, on the floor).  he settled into a sleep so deep, i was able to pick him up and take him to the bedroom and put him back into the co-sleeper, all without waking him.  i’m sure most parents know the miracle of the swing.  but people, if you don’t have one, buy this!

this morning we slept in with him, as usual.  then i took him out for his debut!  i bundled him up a little, as it’s chilly out there.  then i put him in his sling.  i’ve wanted a baby for so long (way before it was a real plan, way before it made any sense in my life).  and this sling thing, for some reason it’s always played a key role in my baby fantasy.  so this morning, i put him in, and he fell sound asleep.  i walked strutted to the coffee shop on the corner, and then to the bookstore.  it was a strange and wonderful feeling to be the one with the baby everyone’s staring at.  a couple of people complimented me on how good i looked for having a 10 day old baby!  i had to confess that “his other mom gave birth,” but i worked on not sounding apologetic about it.  and i felt good about that wording, because it doesn’t take away from my being his mom.  it’s a positive statement, not a negative one.  mostly i just grinned like an idiot and snuggled nate.

i did have a few moments when people complimented me on how gorgeous he is, or asked how old, and i wanted to say “thank you ten days i didn’t give birth to him.”  i’m not sure why i felt that.  even in my progressive neighborhood, people assume i’ve given birth, and by walking around with such a teeny babe, i feel like i’m lying.  like i’m just letting them believe i pushed him out.  i know i shouldn’t feel that way, and i don’t want to.  it’s just another dimension to this process — dealing with other people’s assumptions, and not taking them in.  not letting them rule my relationship with nate, or my unconventional little family.

my family of origin is not conventional either, and it feels good to remind myself of that.  i come from a long line of political radicals on my mom’s side, and i know they would applaud my living the life i want.  when d and i got together, my beloved grandmother was still alive.  she wasn’t the woman she had once been, but she still had plenty of lucid moments.  i wrote her a letter to tell her that i was in a relationship with a woman – not because i couldn’t tell her in person, but because alzheimers made conversation difficult.  she was born in 1912, which would make her close to 90 when i wrote her that letter.  i think she had already met d at the time, and instantly loved her because d is tall (what can i say, we’re a short family and she was easily impressed).  the next time grandma saw us, she told me that if people gave me a hard time or didn’t accept us, “fuck ‘em.”  easy for her to say — not because she was straight, but because she lived her life that way.  i like to think i’m similar to her, but i don’t have that kick, that ability to do what i want without worrying about others’ judgments.  i think of her all the time, watching my life and nodding, “atta girl!  don’t apologize for who you are!”  when i have a moral or ethical dilemma, or even sometimes a personal one, d frequently asks me what my grandmother would do.  it’s a great compass, and often guides my actions.  the way i do it is different, but she would even love that.

d and i are in heaven.  our best girls came over with their sleeves rolled up.  with the four of us hard at work today, we got major stuff moved to the basement; vacuumed the whole downstairs, the nursery, our bedroom including under the bed, the stairs, part of the basement; put the rug down; arranged the furniture; put the swing together; the pack and play together; the bouncy seat together; the stroller together.  did 3 loads of baby laundry (no, that’s not even all his clothes); 2 loads of grown-up laundry; got rid of all the boxes the stuff came in.  unpacked some of baby’s books into the bookcase; cleaned the litter boxes; put away various and sundry.

don’t know if i’ve ever felt so satisfied!

sometimes a nurse’s schedule is just excellent.  i had off friday, the weekend, monday, and today (tuesday) — didn’t even use any vacation days!  granted, i’ll be working 12 hour shifts next weekend, but most of the time it really feels worth it.

we had a really fun, eventful weekend.  we spent several hours on the road saturday, made it up to boston by late afternoon.  d has been desperate for a swim lately, it’s all she wants to do!  so she and j went swimming at our hotel, while e and i did some errands.  then we went to my friend’s house, she and i have been friends since i was 3 years old.  she made the most extraordinary indian meal.  i knew she could cook, but damn!  from start to finish — homemade papadam, main dishes, naan, kir, chai.  ooh, and my favorite part, mango lassi!  slumber party with j and e that night in the hotel, and then sunday was our (first) baby shower.

 there’s me and my baby mama!

we had such a lovely time, and got the CUTEST stuff.  we had registered for the basics, but seriously the outfits we brought home are to die.  a few of us set out to pack it all into our car, and we almost made it.  one crate of books (aforementioned lifelong friend gave us 100!! books) had to go in mom’s car, but otherwise we crammed it all in and right after the shower drove all the way back home to philly!  j and e had to work monday, and even though we didn’t, we had an exciting day planned too.  because…

yesterday the artist arrived to start the mural!  i will plug her here, because she is talented and adorable and upstairs right now, creating something amazing (yes, we’ve been peeking).  also yesterday, there was much cuddling with the animals, plus a couple of medical appointments (one for each of us).  mine was not of interest to any of you, but d’s went great.  her uterus is measuring just right; baby boy b. seems to be head down already, although still “pivoting” on his head; heart rate is loud and strong.  we finally saw the midwife that really pissed us off last fall, and it was awkward but we shrugged it off.  she kind of doesn’t know when to shut up.  d would ask a question and the midwife would say something reassuring.  then, instead of leaving it at that, she would just. keep. talking.  “oh, it’s fine to have a few braxton hicks… a few a day?  totally normal… of course, if there are too many we start worrying because you’re only 33 weeks and obviously you can’t have your baby yet and in that case let us know because it’s bad very very bad…”  see what i’m saying?

today there will be much puttering (my favorite thing) and our first childbirth class!

so - my 32nd birthday was yesterday!  it was a really nice day — i got a facial in the morning; then we went shopping for baby furniture, which was the highlight.  we had an easy time choosing a crib and dresser, they’re white and we already have a hand-me-down white changing table, as well as a glider and bookcase.  so the nursery is definitely coming together!  we also decided on a stroller after a trip to babies r us, where i strolled our favorite around the store for a while.  we made some changes to our registry, and added some things we needed to see in person.

last night we went out for dinner with our girls, it was quite a night!  i loved my food, it was creative and yummy.  but as we were sitting waiting for our dessert, i saw a little something out of the corner of my eye, it seemed to be scurrying.  i was hoping to be wrong, but finally e (who is unfortunately afraid of rodents) confirmed that there was a MOUSE.  j thought it was a rat!  but i’m sticking with mouse.  we told the waiter and they were of course really embarrassed, apologetic, kept giving us more desserts!  finally the manager came over and told us our meal was on the house.  obviously.

today it was back to work, back to reality.  i walked in and saw my assignment, and glanced over at my patients’ rooms.  noticed that there was a huge crowd in one of the rooms, so i went over to see what was up.  the overnight nurse was cursing out the resident because the patient wasn’t properly sedated, and had coughed out her endotracheal tube.  obviously people only have breathing tubes if it seems like they need them - in this case for airway protection - and so there was much hubbub.  it’s murphy’s law that things like that (patients crashing, new admissions, etc) always happen at change of shift.  so, that was my welcome back after a week off!

jack robert was winnie the pooh for halloween.  look at that smile!!

mattea lily segal
holder of the cutest little lips in the world!

edith sofia reynolds
born october 27, 2007, 9:14pm
7 lbs 1 oz, 19 3/4 inches
proud parents jennifer mccabe reynolds and alex reynolds!

i’ve had one of those weeks when the cycle of life is making itself clear.  our dear friends s and c are welcoming baby mattea lily any day now, as soon as s’s cervix cooperates.  knowing it was getting under way, i had my phone in my pocket at work, on vibrate.  d called, and i snuck my phone out of my pocket and answered, ready for thrilling news.  but she was calling to tell me that a close friend of her family had died.  and because he was so old and had lived a life full of love, the cycle struck me more than it would if it had been someone young.  at the funeral, the man’s daughter told us it was great to have new life (with d as host) there with us.  i wonder if that is a lot of responsibility for d.

also.  obviously the baby (d is sure it is a boy, but it’s funny to think about a little girl in there, gurgling “i’m a girl!  stop calling me HE!”) is on my mind pretty much constantly.  almost everything i do, there’s this little pouch in my brain this is just thrilled, 24/7.  it’s like being newly in love, when everything you look at, you wonder what your new love would think.  my patient on thursday (i had just one, such is the joy of being a novice icu nurse) was really (really really) sick.  when someone’s pulses are very weak (that’s not a good thing), you have to find them with a doppler device.  it is probably obvious, but it’s the same little device the midwife uses to find pip’s heartbeat (more or less).  it’s an eerie feeling, digging around to find a pulse on someone’s wrists and feet, and using the same gadget that is used to confirm the life that is growing in your wife’s uterus.  total opposite experiences.

apparently, the little one is the size of a rubber ducky.  clearly, this poses some important questions.  most importantly:
 WHICH ONE?!