Posted by: mommytoo | September 19, 2007


turns out it isn’t that easy to find the perfect practitioner to provide prenatal care (holy alliteration) and, more importantly, to catch a baby.

i have done my best not to push d toward giving birth the way i’ve imagined.  but not surprisingly, d has been doing research and is now practically an expert on midwifery vs the medical model.  i’m so impressed and so proud of her.  she really wants to give birth in a birthing center, with a midwife, without an epidural, allowing the labor to progress the way her body knows how.

and so now the question is, who will be our provider?  we went to a birth center a couple of weeks ago — the midwife we met was way too laid back!  we are simply not laid back people, and i’m just glad we know that about ourselves.  we need someone who will match our energy, answer our questions earnestly, allow us to bring ourselves to the experience without feeling like crazy jews.

so we went to an information session and tour at another birth center, and loved it.  we were just so pleased and excited and it felt like a perfect match!  warm, calm, efficient, like a well-oiled machine.  then we went yesterday for our first prenatal appointment.  we were 15 minutes late, which we hate.  but i just assumed it would be okay, because shit happens.  however — it was clearly not okay.  they were nutso!  which i guess we could have handled…

but it got worse from there.  the midwife asked if we’d had IVF (in-vitro fertilization).  she had NO reason to ask that, as we had said d got pregnant on the first try.  which clearly means she doesn’t know the difference between IVF and assisted insemination (we did IUI, or intrauterine insemination).  how is it even possible for a midwife not to know there is a difference?!  but okay, fine.  she asked if d had any fertility problems, and we said no, and she just kept laughing nervously.  is there anything weirder than a professional health care provider laughing nervously?  so she said (i kid you not), “no, it isn’t that you had a fertility problem, you were just with the wrong person.”

i’m pausing here for effect.

d asked if they had many lesbian clients, since she was asking a lot of questions (including whether we were going to meet the donor, another stupid question).  the midwife said they do have lesbian clients, but she’s “just curious.”  which is, again, infuriating.  curious?!  okay, because that’s what we’re here for.  to satisfy your curiosity.

later in the day, d called the exec director of the place, who was extremely receptive and a little appalled at our experience.  i was nervous about d calling because she’s much more assertive about these things than i am — but of course she handled it beautifully, and hopefully we’ll find a way to make it work.

no work tomorrow — so many things on my to do list!



  1. Wow….Have you considered unassisted childbirth or having your baby at home with a lay midwife? I hope you are not going to back to that birthing center. Ugh.

  2. love you!

  3. […] although still “pivoting” on his head; heart rate is loud and strong.  we finally saw the midwife that really pissed us off last fall, and it was awkward but we shrugged it off.  she kind of doesn’t know when to shut […]

  4. It’s really encouraging when I read about women who got pregnant on their first try. My first try should be in April and I have all my fingers and toes crossed that I’m as fortunate as you. I love reading this blog… especially because it’s from the prospective of the “other mother” which makes me more empathetic and understanding of what my spouse is and will be going through.

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