Posted by: mommytoo | November 20, 2007

20 week ultrasound continued…

i kind of cut myself off in the middle of my post yesterday.

 so, i’ve been feeling really positive, uncharacteristically optimistic.  whenever there’s a test to consider, an intervention i expected to want, a fear i could easily go with… i get strangely confident about the fact that this is going to be a perfectly healthy baby.  i said this to a friend yesterday and she actually laughed.  it’s completely unlike me, i realize!  but i just know that this pregnancy is going to be fine.  i don’t know that the kid’s entire life is going to be charmed (let’s not go overboard), but i haven’t had any lost sleep, any panicky moments about it.  let me tell you, it’s fantastic and i wish i could go through my whole life (more importantly, my kids’ lives) this way.

okay, but right when they called d’s name to go in, i jumped out of my seat and my stomach dropped.  it was not a foreboding feeling; but it did suddenly occur to me that we could hear some bad news.  before then, i didn’t really think about how heart-breaking the day could end up being.

as soon as we got into the room, i felt calm again.  okay, the ultrasound tech was kind of hostile (personally i think she was a little homophobic but for once, i didn’t even care!).  but i wasn’t waiting for her to say that anything was missing, or extra, or suspicious.  i was mesmerized, and concerned that when she kept jiggling the kiddo it might be uncomfortable for d.  but not scared!

i’m off to watch oprah’s favorite things (gotta love tivo)!

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