Posted by: mommytoo | August 19, 2008

mind of his own

last night nate went to bed at his usual 8pm, after his bath.  he fell asleep quickly, after a fun afternoon in the pool and lots of playing.  he slept by himself for a few hours, and we were ready to sleep at midnight.  as always, d nursed him before we went to sleep, and he just woke right up.  wide awake, talking, squealing, kicking his chubby little legs.  we’re at d’s parents’ house now, and her dad was more than happy to hang out with nate while we had a snack.  i went back to bed but couldn’t sleep, but once nate fell asleep and d brought him back to bed, annie (the dog) wouldn’t settle.  d ended up going to the other room with annie, and i dozed (just dozed!) with nate until he got hungry.  at some point d brought him back to bed, and a few hours later – at 6:30am – he was up.

all these boring details are just to say that it will be good for us to get home and have a routine again!  the real back-to-routine doesn’t happen until labor day, when we get back from martha’s vineyard and i go back to work.  we have a lot going to on in the fall, and this is feeling like the calm before the storm.  but we had a goal of figuring out a bunch of things this summer, and we’ve done that.  we’ve also been having the time of our lives, and i believe we’re laying the groundwork for a great relationship with him.

i feel so good about my relationship with nate.  i’m sure i would feel really connected to him even if i hadn’t taken maternity leave — but the way it’s worked out, i actually feel okay about going back to work.  it feels like i’m putting in so much effort early on, in order to make things easier later on.  i don’t mean easier like parenting will be a breeze when he’s eight or ten or sixteen… more like, we’re establishing a loving and trusting relationship during infancy, and one in which he feels really bonded to both of us.  the time has been good for us as a whole family, d was always of course always supportive of my connecting with nate — but this intensive family time has meant both of us learning what that actually means.  i think we’ve both become more comfortable with what each of us is “better” at, and what nate looks to each of us for.  it’s not seamless, but it’s much more fluid than it was at first, as we grow into our roles.

it’s another beautiful day!  we’re debating between beach and pool.  rough life, i know…



  1. I experienced leave with our daughter during infancy the same way. It got us on solid footing much more quickly than would have happened otherwise (both between me and our daughter, and between my wife and I). It makes me a little sad when I hear dads or non-bio-moms say they feel like they need to wait for nursing to be over before they’ll really get to “bond.” We’ve really found that what matters is time, and it’s so good for your family that you had the courage to take that time.

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