Posted by: mommytoo | September 12, 2008

well.

today has been weird.  nate woke up wicked early after a bad night’s sleep.  i tried to make the most of it, because i had arranged to bring him to his new babysitter at 8am, which is often his morning naptime.  i figured i’d play with him early, then he could get more sleep before going to a’s (that’s the babysitter).  it didn’t work the way i had hoped — he only played for a few minutes when we got to her house, then he got cranky and apparently fell asleep 4 minutes after i left.  i picked him up an hour later, he was still sleeping.  it was not exactly the best way for them to get to know each other, but it’s a start.

i managed to spend a couple of hours studying today, but i’m still struggling on the days i spend with nate to let go of my old understanding of success.  d reminded me that i brought our son to his very first time in day care ever, that’s huge.  i witnessed him kind of sitting up for the first time.  major.  i held nate while he slept — he went to sleep as i rocked him, and woke up to my smile.  and i know it’s true, those are some of the most important things i could be doing with my time.  as i spend this time with him, i don’t feel distracted — i feel present with him for the most part, and not like i should be doing something else.  it’s only later that i start to panic a bit… did i get enough crossed off my to-do list?  as if there is anything on that list as important as that boy’s giggle?

this afternoon i bought nate the modern classic heather has two mommies.  banned book week is coming up, and although i’m sure we have a few already, i thought it would be a good idea to buy one from our local bookstore’s banned book display.  he’s starting to get curious about books, which is fun.

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Responses

  1. hi there. i completely understand the love of being with the baby and the panic after they go to bed feeling like you haven’t gotten anything done and another week has gone by. you are right – there isn’t anything as important as their smile or giggle or reading them a book, but there still are things that we have to do in our daily lives to accomplish a goal (say, i don’t know, a disseration?) will it change after we cross those things off the list? i hope so! i just want completely mentally free time with the babes and no guilt later! wishful thinking maybe.


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