Posted by: mommytoo | September 23, 2008

ambivalence [am-biv-uh-luh-ns] -noun

tomorrow nate will be six months old.  it seems like he is suddenly such  big boy.  in the last few days he’s started rolling back to front with no trouble; he’s recognizing his name more and more; he’s sitting up better and better (though he still falls over).  and this week he’ll start solids.

these milestones are so incredible, and i’m so proud!  i think the best part is that although i’ve been working with him (repeating his name for him, helping hold him in a sitting position), he’s totally doing them his own way.  he started rolling over when we weren’t looking — d went to get him after he’d been playing in his crib one day, and he was on his tummy.  that kept happening over the weekend, and now he does it every time we put him down.  it’s just perfect, because i’d been coaching him and he just giggled when i helped.

i love watching him become a little person!  it’s really extraordinary.  i can worry or not worry, but he’s a healthy little boy, and he does everything he’s “supposed” to, in his own time.

okay, then there’s the part of me that wants time to stand still.  not that it matters, exactly.  time marches on!  but his baby-ness is so sweet, and fun, and simple.  and in many ways, it’s so easy.  we put him down, he stays there.  we take something away, he doesn’t remember it was ever there in the first place.  he cries, d feeds him, he’s happy again.  i’m so excited about him eating solids, crawling, walking, talking, exploring and learning about and the world.  but it’s all so bittersweet.  i can’t wait until he can wear the winter sweaters people gave us in bigger sizes, but i want to cry whenever i pack away clothes that are too small.  i love how he wants to look around and explore, but i miss when he was fascinated just by lights.

and so i give you: the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.


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