Posted by: mommytoo | October 16, 2008

strategery

you can probably tell that i’m finding life a little overwhelming these days.  d is technically working 2 days a week, but usually it’s just afternoons because she just started a private practice (she’s a shrink) and is still acquiring clients.  i avoid working those days when i can, and for the most part it’s been okay.  sometimes we get friends to help, sometimes nate’s babysitter takes him extra, d’s mom has come from nyc to stay over and help out.  but d’s days with him are so long, and my days without him are so long!  most of all, as everyone knows, life is overwhelming when everything is so new.  i feel like we’re in the middle of the most surprising, extraordinary time we might ever experience — there’s so much we planned for, and so much we didn’t.  we had figured out over the last eight years how to coordinate schedules, get things done, make a little money, enjoy ourselves and each other… then this little guy changed everything.  major adjustments to all of those things.

we’ve committed ourselves to both working and having one of us home with him (as opposed to day care) for now, and i think this is just what it means to take on that kind of challenge.  my priorities have changed, but i’m working on how to go with it.  nate is at the top of the priority list, always.  i want to be with him whenever i can.  but picking up overtime shifts for an extra few bucks in my paycheck is still prioritizing him, for obvious reasons.  so that’s a change i’ve made.  it’s hard to work more, but worth it.

have i mentioned i dropped the class i was taking?  i was disappointed, mostly in myself — but i had to admit that i just didn’t have time to sit down in 3 hour blocks of time, to listen to the lectures.  those blocks of time don’t really exist, except at the end of a 12 hour workday, after spending a little time with my boy and getting him to bed and saying hello to my wife.  so.  competing priorities, i choose my fam, and when i look at it that way, i’m proud of a difficult decision, rather than disappointed in myself.

tomorrow nate is going to his babysitter for a few hours, and i’m not working.  i could: take a nap (appealing in the short run, but not satisfying really); go to the gym (working out makes me happier, healthier, less stressed… but nothing to “show” for it); install nate’s new car seat (boring, but i’ll be glad when it’s done); call a friend or family member i haven’t talked to in a while (probably the funnest option, but i might feel guilty for not accomplishing any real task).  last week was an easy decision!  i had worked thursday overnight, so sleep was the priority, in order to function.  this week, i think i’ll choose the gym, because i’m feeling sort of off and i know it will help.

are you still reading?  this post is totally self-indulgent, but aren’t blogs pretty self-indulgent in general?  i guess i’m just talking it out, so to speak.  i’m slowly getting to know the new joys, burdens, and life skills of being a mama!

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Responses

  1. It sounds just as though you are finding your own path and in your own time. I imagine that those paths will often become well-worn or freshly paved throughout the different stages of your life. Congratulations on dropping the class, too.

  2. Are you kidding?! It may have felt self indulgent to write, but I find it so refreshing to read a ‘Mommy Blog’ that addresses REAL issues — ones that all families grapple with, but which few blogs address. The usual fare is, “Look how cute my kid is and what fun things we do. Aren’t we picture perfect?” Blech!


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