Posted by: mommytoo | October 23, 2008

nate in the box

my boy does this really funny thing sometimes when we’re trying to get him to sleep.  he sleeps on his side, always has — except once he’s soundly asleep, he rolls to his back.  but when we put him on his side and stick the passy in his mouth, he knows what’s coming.  he makes his way to his belly, and “pops up,” as i call it.  lifts himself up on his arms and starts grinning and babbling.  it can be frustrating when he needs to nap, but it’s so funny.  then i tell d “oh no, he popped up!”  and we know bedtime/naptime might take a while.

i think i’m really growing into this “second mom” role.  we’ve gotten pretty good at sharing responsibility and input, and playing to our strengths.  we spend a lot of time just marveling at every different part of him, every new feeling we have.  d told me the other day that she feels so raw, like she’s been emotionally open since he was born, and it’s hard.  i have to say i agree — something happened 7 months ago, i feel like my heart was kind of split open.  in order to stay present for nate, i feel like i have to allow it to be that way, but sometimes it is so difficult.  i can understand why people say it’s heartbreaking to be a parent.  i don’t feel like i have any defenses when it comes to him, and my defenses in general are broken down.  i’d say it’s a good thing, if only because it will make me a more loving mother.  but it’s really tiring.  i don’t feel more fragile exactly, more like it’s an ongoing job, to remain open to him and to the world and to my own strengths and weaknesses.

speaking of which, it’s time to bring the little guy downstairs for some apples and pears.  he’s starting to actually have fun with eating, which is great to see!



  1. […] hard to learn new tasks, sometimes they can’t slow down.  which would explain nate’s popping up, which he sometimes seems to do in a sound sleep.  he pops up and almost can’t seem to stop […]

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