Posted by: mommytoo | January 12, 2009

lucky me

on workdays (which this week was friday, saturday and sunday) my alarm is set for 5:45am.  for anyone who doesn’t know me personally (and in case those who do know me are wondering if i’ve changed and am a better person these days), i HATE getting up early.  the first thing i think is when can i sleep in?  when can i nap?  the answer used to be clearer, before mr universe came into our lives.  today i’m not working, and i woke up at 5:43.  after some confusion about whether i had to work, i realized i could go back to sleep, and had a little party with myself.  what’s better than that feeling?

but somehow, when i don’t have to work, nate seems to know it.  he wakes up and is all over me, climbing on me, exploring my sleepy face, yelling and laughing.  when i’m not home, he sleeps late for d.  but never when i’m here!  i’m trying to tap into a feeling of flattery, d says he misses me when i’m not here.

the last three days at work were maybe the hardest, most exhausting, stretch of days i’ve had since i finished my orientation more than a year ago.  the 12 hour days are often grueling, but working 3 days a week is a pretty good trade-off.  in the middle of the third 12 hour shift in a row, of course, my body doesn’t know about the trade-off.  a lot of people at work never do three in a row, but sometimes i have to for scheduling reasons, and i can tolerate it i guess (same can’t be said for d, who starts to lose her mind understandably).  these last few days i’ve been taking care of two patients, both really really sick, both with family situations that are sad for different reasons.  the grown children of one of my patients kept asking me, in about a dozen different ways, when they should let their mother go.  they were so sweet to their mother (who spoke only persian), and so sweet to me, and although there was a cultural difference, they reminded me of my own family.  not the specifics, but just the questions and conversations and doubts and love.  i dreamed about work last night, which i hardly ever do — i can usually keep things separate.

besides the emotional work, my assignment was really busy!  i sat down to do documentation and eat a 15 minute lunch, but besides that i was on my feet the entire time all three days, back and forth back and forth, remembering something i should have done half an hour ago, etc.

but this morning it’s pancakes for me and nate, coffee for me, leftover pancakes for annie the dog.  with these patients in the back of my mind, i feel so grateful for this warm, messy house and our warm, crowded bed!

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Responses

  1. I can empathize. I teach special ed. and sometimes the kids and their stories carry back with me to my house and I am grateful for what I have. I also HATE getting up early. My alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m. M-F Ugh!


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