it’s friday of freedom to marry week! in case you haven’t read the last few posts, i will remind you that i am taking part in an activity hosted by the other mother, blogger extraordinaire. having written a few things about old, new, and borrowed, i’m on to number 4.
something blue… these days, my brain is all babies, all the time. almost all the time, i should say, because my work days are definitely NOT about babies, for which i am grateful. in baby land, blue represents boy. when we learned d was carrying a boy, our mouths dropped open. d is not a man-hating lesbian – in fact, as a child, her bestests were often boys – but as one friend put it, it was kind of amazing that her body could make boy parts! i ended up being really glad we had found out the sex at 20 weeks, because i wouldn’t want baby’s first moments to be marked by our shock and fears. i, for one, know very little about boys. i have only sisters, i went to a women’s college, i have always been closer to women and girls. i am a mama’s girl, a grandma’s girl, a girls’ girl. and all this is – in a strange way – separate from my orientation — even when i was dating men as a young(er) woman, and perfectly content that way, i felt more connected to women.
once i got over the shock and wonder that we were having a boy, i started to realize how free this could make me. i think i’m pretty good at being a woman, and sometimes just a bit (!) judgmental about what that means. being a man, however… how does one become a strong, loving, talented, fulfilled man? i have no idea, although i have a few books that are helping me learn not how to be one, but how to help one grow up. i am someone who has trouble letting go of my preconceptions, and although i have preconceptions about sex, gender, and gender roles (who doesn’t?), i openly admit that don’t’ know what boys do. i watch nate, and i don’t know what it would be like if we had a girl instead, but i feel so open to whatever he becomes. some people say their sons are “all boy,” and i know what they mean i guess. active, getting into everything, more doing and less talk about doing. but this kid, he’s all nate. it’s pretty fantastic.
a friend of mine has told me a few times that she thinks the world needs men like the ones we’ll raise. and i agree — i’m so excited.