Posted by: mommytoo | April 12, 2009

not sure, but i might be a cliche

over the last couple of weeks, i’ve been having a gradual realization that my life is missing something.  it’s hard to explain, because i love my life — i’m generally really happy, and i take pride in how much i appreciate how lucky i am.  i’ll stop short of listing what i like about my life — suffice it to say, d and i work hard for what we have (obviously i’m not talking about money), and we enjoy each other, our home, our jobs, and especially our boy.

it surprises me to notice that i am falling down on the job of me.  why would it surprise me?  i have a one-year-old; i work full time at a job that entails taking care of other people; i have a partner who works and is building her own business and is a doctoral student; i am trying to coordinate going back to school full time while still working part time; i’m disorganized by nature; i need (and love) a lot of sleep; and in the short term, my favorite thing to do is relax with nate and d.  in the long term, though, i need to remember what keeps my head on straight.

and this is where i start to feel like a guest on 0prah.  when i have a choice between the gym and nate, i always choose nate.  when i have a choice between getting a babysitter and going out with d, or staying home with nate, we always choose staying home.  it’s so much easier, and cozier, and sometimes more fun.  in the short run.  but then i realize that my wedding rings are tight, my ip0d has cobwebs on it, d and i have been to the movies ONCE in the last year, and my big plan for alone time generally involves napping and laundry.  it’s PATHETIC.  it’s so easy to forget that i enjoy working out, i enjoy spending time alone with d, i enjoy cooking, hiking with the dog, going to the movies, blogging, reading.  oh, reading, i miss you so.  i started a book on vacation in february and having read a single page since then.  apparently it’s all or nothing?

not that the next year looks to have much free time.  i anticipate a lot of studying, a lot of working, a lot of keeping nate busy and getting him out of the house so that d can plan classes, write her dissertation, and do all the stuff her practice entails.   but truly, is there any reason that i can’t find time on most days to work out or read?  just for an hour?  i might be naive — in fact, i’m pretty sure i am.  but i’m happy this way.

so today, on this windy, bright sunday, i went for a long walk with annie, who deserves much more exercise than she gets (so do i).  we have some woods a block away, so we walked around there, and then down some hiking paths a bit, till we got to a little bridge, where we sat on a bench and watched the creek.  i even turned off kan/ye west to enjoy the quiet.  coming back up a long, steep hill, annie was so tired i had to drag her — major accomplishment!

so, in the interest of keeping this blog true to my life, i am going to try to hold myself accountable for what i know i need: time with myself and my own body (meaning exercise!), time to do things i love, time outdoors, time with d.

stay tuned…


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