Posted by: mommytoo | November 11, 2009

kitchen musings

i just had to blog a quick note about what’s on my mind right now.  sometimes it is so fantastic being in a same-sex couple, because i don’t feel that i have to worry about gender assignments.  right now i am happy as a clam.  why?  i am in the kitchen steaming vegetables for purees that i can hide in nate’s food, also baking tofu that i hope he’ll love for snacks (first time trying to make it instead of buy), and about to make turkey burgers for dinner.  i am in an apron and my spouse, who makes more money than i do, is at work.   if you’d asked me 10 years ago – about a year before d and i met – whether such an evening sounded like a life i’d love, i would have wrinkled my nose in disdain.

making a home for my family – especially feeding them, for some reason – is amazingly satisfying to me.  i truly don’t think i would have known that if i were in an opposite-sex marriage.  being a lesbian certainly doesn’t automatically make me a feminist, but i believe it makes me a better feminist.  i am able to tap into what i want and what makes me feel whole.  certainly d and i have discussions about housework and child-rearing, and it’s not totally easy to keep things 50-50.  there are ebbs and flows, and sometimes it’s really hard, but i don’t feel stuck in the kitchen, because i’d rather cook than clean up, and my wife hates to cook.

i guess what i’m saying is that my whole self is in this whole house.  i’m a believer in personal=political, but i have learned so much in the last several years about how there is no formula for what makes a woman, or a wife, or a feminist, or a lesbian, or a mother.  it helps that when my spouse gets home, she’ll happily tidy up, bathe the kiddo, and nurse him to sleep, while i happily surf the internet!


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