Posted by: mommytoo | January 5, 2011

so.

so, i guess i’m trying to decide whether to jump start this blog again.  i always thought blogging during my own pregnancy would be really interesting and important, after blogging throughout d’s pregnancy and my experience as nate’s mama.  and even though i was “slacking” a little bit, i had been trying to keep up somewhat.  then i stopped kind of suddenly, but not without reason.

about 2 months ago, one of our dearest friends, 37 weeks pregnant, lost her baby.  i was about 30 weeks pregnant at the time.  this friend and her husband have a daughter who is a few months older than nate, they live around the corner and we spend a lot of time together.  we didn’t exactly plan to get pregnant at the same time, but were really excited about spending our maternity leave together, and teaching our toddlers about being big siblings, etc.  she and her husband are in very similar professions to me and d, which is one reason we love hanging out.  after we found out about the baby’s hand anomaly, she used her connections to get us an appointment with a fancy-pants geneticist, never imagining that a few months later, she would need her connections to get one herself, to review an autopsy for her full-term baby.

this has affected me and d in a million ways, and i’m not sure what this blog has to do with it.  it has just cast a shadow over this pregnancy.  which doesn’t feel fair, but mostly we’re just so sad for our friends.  as is often the case, i find it hard to write about anything else when something so major is going on — and it hasn’t felt right to blog about this loss.  gradually, the “acute-ness” has passed, for us at least.  and there has been a lot i’ve wanted to write about, and share.

as i write, i am 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant, with no indication that this little guy is coming any time soon.  i am well aware that it could start any time, and i am open to that, and also trying not to rush!  i’ve been asking d for lots of pep talks about how we’re ready, but not in a rush.  if he comes tomorrow, great.  if i have some time to rest and nest, even better, after the semester i’ve had.

so, i guess i’m going to try to get back into this blogging thing.  happy new year, all!

here is the song we sang at the memorial for the baby.

Breaths

Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.

Those who have died have never, never left
The dead are not under the earth
They are in the rustling trees
They are in the groaning woods
They are in the crying grass,
they are in the moaning rocks
The dead are not under the earth. 

Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters. 

Those who have died have never never left.
The dead have a pact with the living.
They are in the woman’s breast,
they are in the wailing child
They are with us in our homes.
They are with us in the crowd
The dead have a pact with the living. 

Listen more often to things than to beings
Listen more often to things than to beings
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath when the fire’s voice is heard
‘Tis the ancestor’s breath in the voice of the waters.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. I’m very sorry to hear about your friends’ baby, and that it has cast a shadow on your pregnancy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: